Nostalgia

Lately, thanks to reconnecting with an old high school friend, I’ve been reminiscing about the four years I lived in Crestview, FL with my parents…the place I called home for years (it was my home of record when I was in the AF), and where I will take my child to visit her grandparents.

Here is what I remember about those times:

Not believing, that out of all the places we have ever lived and visited, my parents decided that I should spend, what I considered to be at the time, the most important years of my life in Lower Alabama (North Florida Panhandle).

Thinking I would never use words and phrases like “ya’ll” and “hissy fit”. Being wrong about that.

Not wanting to make friends with anyone there…feeling different, and I hate to admit, better than everyone else.

Finding best friends anyway.

Spending nights with Heather and Melanie…then going home and talking to them on the phone for hours.

My father picking up the extension and yelling at me to hang up.

A crush I had on a boy, that I didn’t tell a soul about.

Feeling heartbroken when he asked someone else out instead of me.

My first real kiss.

My first real boyfriend.

Beth’s hat scandal.

Dressing up as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (I was Grumpy,) but I don’t remember why we did that.

Helping Julie run for Student Council President…she won!

Being told by my homeroom teacher that I had “a good head on my shoulders” and therefore should enter the Miss Teen Florida pageant.

Laughing about that in 1st period.

The time that Heather found a lizard on her leg in the cafeteria.

Being on the Volleyball team and eating my lunches with the rest of the team in the “Varsity Room”.

Winning State Runner up in Basketball my sophomore year.

Meeting and talking to Kelly Slater during that tournament. Not knowing who he was, not even after his friend tried to tell me.

Crying the day Heather moved to Australia.

Going to barn dances in Alabama with Melanie and her family (they were a band).

At one of those dances, I found a boy who I thought was cute and telepathically willed him to ask me to dance. When he did, I decided I didn’t like him and spent the rest of the night (and subsequent dances) trying to avoid him.

My Ford Mustang…which I would always lock my keys in.

The Mustang blowing up in the post office parking lot. I remember I was there with Julie, but I don’t remember why.

Heather making me see Crybaby because she loved Johnny Depp so much.

Making fun of Melanie for liking the New Kids on the Block….and secretly liking them myself.

Having a huge crush on the Bowflex guy.

Calling the local radio station on Labor Day and telling them I once had a job wiping horses’ nostrils.

Riding horses with my neighbor.

Being accepted to West Point and “accepting” the appointment in front of the entire school at the awards ceremony.

Someone telling me afterwards, that they didn’t know I was smart. I wasn’t sure whether I should take it as a compliment or be offended.

Slamming the door in Buck’s face on Halloween.

Feeling like I had my whole life in front of me and the whole world to conquer.

The funny thing is, I look back at those times as happy, carefree and worry free. But, I’m not sure that I realized how happy I was back then…at least not until it was gone. I think that nostalgia is a great feeling, but at the same time, it doesn’t do much good to reminisce about the past, unless you can use the memories to help in the future. I sort of remember being impatient in those days, just biding my time and waiting for my life to start. Now, I look back and miss those times. I wish I knew back then, that my life already started, and taken more time out to enjoy those times a little more than I did.

I’m pretty sure, that one day (probably sooner than I realize), I’m going to look back on today and see it as one of the happiest times in my life. Watching my baby girl discover new things…stumbling into parenthood with the love of my life. Roger and I learning who we are as a couple…experimenting together with new recipes, working on our house and our yard…dreaming about our future.

It’s easy sometimes to let my worries about the future override me….will Roger and I become victims of the economy? Should we take less trips and spend less money just in case? I constantly say I can’t wait until Kaelyn holds her own bottle, or is potty trained…when she won’t wake me up at 4 in the morning, etc.

I can spend so much time reminiscing about the days gone by or looking forward to a future that I can convince myself will be even better than today, that I don’t take time to realize, that this is the moment. That all the past has led up to my life today, made me who I am, and that one day, in the future, I will look back at today with those feeling of nostalgia.

I will miss these days. I am content with how things are. I will appreciate this moment. I have arrived.