Where the Heart Is

Last night, like most nights, we ate our dinner on the back patio. Roger and I sit at the bar of our outdoor kitchen and Kaelyn sits in her chair on the countertop. I love eating dinners this way because it keeps things relaxed and casual, but does have our family sitting down and eating together…not in front of the tv.


Over the weekend, we bought some solar powered lights to sprinkle around the yard. They do not give off too much light, but the goal is to create some ambiance. Yesterday, Roger took them out of the box and set up a display in the backyard for me to see the different ways/heights to set them and choose which one I liked best. I admit that I am far less excited about these lights than he is. During dinner, he was telling me about where we could put them and how we could set them up. I was only half listening though. My thoughts were moving more towards our entire house in general, how much I love it, and how much it has changed since I and then Roger moved in.

This year, my birthday (late September) will mark the five year anniversary of me having this house. It is the first house I ever owned, and I purchased it just after a difficult ending to a long-term relationship, in the middle of changing careers and on my 30th birthday. Needless to say, this house has always symbolized tenacity, perseverance, and the knowledge that life always goes on. At the time, I was single and moving in with just myself and my cat. I thought the house was too big for just me, but because I could afford it and thought it a good investment, I bought it. I remember telling one friend of mine that this house has the potential to grow with me. I never planned on keeping it forever, but if I stayed for any length of time, it could adapt to different stages of my life. At the time, I thought that the house was going to grow to be a part of me, be the center of some big memories….and it has not disappointed.

Every single room in our house holds special memories. Just thinking about all the different things I’ve experienced in it amazes me. The first room, just off the entryway is my library. I wanted that room so badly. I went on countless shopping trips looking for just the right cushy chair and bookshelves to house in it. I was in that room the moment I found out my favorite aunt unexpectedly died. I stuffed wedding invitations and put together party favors in that room. I read book after book and cuddled with my daughter and read to her in that room. Our dining room has hosted holiday family dinners and been my constant choice for wrapping Christmas and birthday presents. Our formal living room was the place we decided to put the tree for Kaelyn’s first Christmas; it’s where my parents dumped off housewarming, wedding, and baby gifts. It’s the room I swore I’d never use, yet seems to be the place where I’ve had the deepest conversations and took the best naps. Our kitchen, the heart of our home, is where I first cooked for Roger, where we both experiment with food, where we do most of our entertaining. Our family room/loft is where I watched some of the best and some of the worst movies ever; it is the room where I first realized that I had fallen in love with Roger, and the room where we spent the first two weeks of Kaelyn’s life (out of the hospital) because we didn’t have the energy to get off the couch. Kaelyn’s nursery, is well…hers. It started off as a guest room, but not the one that guests tended to use. It housed my old daybed from my childhood, not the most comfortable, but it was the room that my best friend, Stacy, always used when she visited. She called it “her” room. Now, it’s transformed into a nursery. Where I rock Kaelyn and play with her. This room will transform a million times over as she grows.

Our guest room has hosted countless family and friends. I store pictures I haven’t gotten around to organizing yet in there. I hardly ever go into that room, but that is where my wedding dress is stored, where we keep Rogers old guitar and the room I chose to house my favorite antique armoire. Our bedroom symbolizes compromise for me and the most change. I used to have that room to myself, but now, often, our entire family hangs out there early weekend mornings. That was where Roger and I first found out we were going to have a baby and where I was standing the moment I realized I was in labor (twice). And back to the backyard…a field of weeds when I first moved in, it has transformed into our dream getaway. It’s now where we sit and watch tv, eat our meals, play with our daughter and entertain our friends. It has gone from nothing to a beautiful extension of our house.

When I think about all the things I’ve experienced in the last five years, about 90% of them take place in and around our house. Until I moved here, I moved every two to three years. I’ve traveled the world and lived in countless houses, apartments, and hotels. But, this house…the house that I got on my 30th birthday, the house where I had many dates and fell in love with Roger, the house that we came home to after our wedding, and the house we brought our first child home to, is more than just a house…it’s HOME.

The housing market has not fully recovered and I doubt that the house is worth much more (if any) than what I owe on it. Because of the economy, Roger and I are holding off on building our “dream house” and staying here for the moment. It will be nice to create our next place together and stay there forever, but with all the emotion tied into this house, I know it will be bittersweet. In the meantime, there is no place I’d rather be than right here…in this house. At home.