It's 4am and I'm wide awake. I don't know why my body does this to me. I have a car again (mine was delivered last night..yay!) I don't have to get up at 3:30 so that we can all get where we need to be. I've been awake since 2:30. I didn't go to bed until close to midnight.
As an adult, I've never been much of a sleeper, but I can't say that it's because I'm full of energy and wide awake all the time. I don't know if it's mild insomnia or not. My sleep patterns are so irregular though. I'll go through periods where I sleep no more than four or five hours a night and others where I'm so tired and sleepy that I'll have trouble staying awake through a half hour show that starts at 7pm.
I've always gotten up early. Not because I want to, but because there always seems to be a reason to get up. And on the days where there's not (like today), I get up anyway.
My parents are morning people. I remember them always getting up at 4 or even earlier. They have been this way for as long as I can remember. They also go to bed insanely early, so at least they get their sleep.
I remember, as a West Point cadet, I was always tired. Any time I had the opportunity to take a nap, I would. My eyelids always felt heavy. On Saturday mornings, I would have the choice to sleep in or get up and eat brunch. I chose to sleep in every time. There were some days that I wouldn't get out of bed until after 1pm! We had a psychology teacher who, one day, promised us the secret to never being tired. I was really interested in this and anxiously anticipated learning this "secret". She was so dramatic about it. She waited until the last five minutes of class, then took a chair and placed it in the center of the room, sat down, and pointedly looked each one of us in the eyes. Then she spoke:
"The secret" she said "is to get up at the same time every single day. Even if you don't have to. Go to bed at the same time every day. Take naps that are 20 minutes or less." I can't lie. I was sorely disappointed. And I thought she was crazy. That advice was all well and good for people who with normal lives, but for us? I don't think so. We were run ragged day in and day out and still had to get up at 5 am every morning. I was exhausted. There was no way that less sleep was going to make me less tired! I never followed her advice...and I was always tired.
Since West Point, though, I have never been able to break the cycle of getting up early. At Purdue, even when my first class didn't start until 9, I would get up at 6 and be at school by 7:30am. Every day. I told everyone that I did this because finding parking after 8 was impossible and also because I liked doing my work at school...so I never had to do it at home. Both of these were true. But, in reality, I didn't have to get up that early. I just did. I told myself I had to do it, but thinking back, I really didn't. There was no need to put myself through that.
The military lifestyle is a guarantee of early mornings. I would have to be at PT by 6:30 am. Since then, though, I have no real reason to get up early...yet, I still do. I used to get up at 5am to go to the gym and work out with a trainer...that was a schedule I picked. And I hated it. When I was commuting to the Bay Bridge, I had no choice but to get up at 3:30am and after Kaelyn was born, sleep disappeared completely. But since she's been sleeping through the night and I switched to the Corps of Engineers, there's no reason for me to get up insanely early. Yet, when I had the choice to set my work schedule, I chose to start work at 6:30am.
The truth is, my early morning pattern is something I've always complained about, but when I think about it, it has mostly been my choice to keep the hours that I do. I rationalize it several ways...whether it's finding parking or having the desire to leave work early so that Kae and I can spend the afternoons together...there is always a "reason." But, the fact remains, it's my choice and I have no idea if I'm a glutton for punishment or if I truly am a morning person in denial.
I do love mornings. And I relish the times I can get up early and not have to go anywhere. It's the running around that I dislike so early in the morning...yet, it's the running around that usually dictates I get up as early as I do. I'm not sure that, at this stage in my life, I could sleep more if I wanted to...
...............
Last night was a bit hectic. After work, I went to meet with a possible new sitter for Kae. She's a sweet woman, who I instantly liked. But, I have my reservations. I have to make a choice that is best for Kae, not best for me and at this point, I'm not sure what that choice is, or even what the criteria is to make that decision on. Roger and I will have to talk and think about this over the weekend...and we still need to explore as many other options as we can before we make a final decision.
I didn't get home until close to 8pm. By the time I was done with the interview, and picked up Kaelyn, fighting traffic both ways, I was too exhausted to go the store. Luckily, Roger is great and went for me. Since he beat me home by almost two hours, he cooked dinner and had it ready for us. Kaelyn ate a lot and stayed up a little later than normal. Around 9, Kenny came over. His birthday was Tuesday and we had a cake for him. Fed him some dinner and caught up with him. My car was delivered at 11pm!
Now, I just need to find the time to return the bus....
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