I Choose Joy

Kaelyn is sick. She has the same mucus induced cough and sore throat that both Roger and I have just gotten over. Seeing her hurting, breaks my heart. But, the good news is that overall, she's fine. She's fussy when she's coughing, but otherwise, no fever and she still smiles all the time. We are taking her to the doctor tomorrow to see if there's anything we can give her to make her more comfortable, but otherwise, we know that this will just run it's course. Her symptoms are exactly the same as ours and we know (and were assured by the pediatrician) that this is a cold and she'll be back to her normal self in just a few days.

Today, I'm not going to write about Kaelyn's cold, but about something else that is weighing on my heart. On may way to drop Kaelyn off at Diana's yesterday morning, the radio station (new morning show) read off daily horoscopes. Mine (Libra) was "Be kind to those less fortunate than you. You have it pretty good"....so, so true. For reasons I can't really explain though, at that exact moment, I thought of the Sullivans. I have never met them (although we share the same extended Air Force family) and honestly, couldn't even remember their names at that moment they crossed my mind.

Who are they? Well, Kaelyn was born about 5 weeks early on September 21 in the evening. I had developed a fever during labor and was not allowed in the NICU that night to see her. The next day, Sept 22, when my fever broke, I pretty much stayed at her bedside. But, becaues I had her early, I had not tied up loose ends at work (I was expecting to still be there for at least a few more weeks). Roger brought my computer to the hospital and that afternoon I went back up to my room to check and send some emails and return phone calls from the day before. It took longer than I expected and I was antsy to go back down and see Kaelyn. But, before I did, I decided to check Facebook and possibly add a status update on her birth.

The first thing I saw, however, was a prayer request from friends of mine stationed in Misawa, Japan (which also happens to be a former duty station of mine). Sara Sullivan had died that day, just two weeks after giving birth to her daughter. There was a link to their family blog and what I read there broke my heart. She underwent chemotherapy while pregnant and overcame so many hurdles only to lose her life to an unrelated complication (it appears of giving birth). It was too much, emotionally, to read at that time and unfortunately, after I put the computer away, I never went back to their blog for an update.

So, thinking of them suddenly yesterday came as a small surprise to me. I made a mental note to goole their blog when I got home that afternoon, but because Kaelyn isn't feeling well, forgot all about it. Well, something was going on yesterday because once we got Kaelyn comfortably to sleep, I got on the computer with the intent of writing something interesting about Groundhog Day. Instead, I got sidetracked reading another friend's blog and accidently stumbled upon another link to the Sullivan's.

I read through their blog last night. Not all of it, but some recent updates, I went back to September and all the way back to the beginning, when they first found out about both the pregnancy and the cancer. I read some in between where I found that the pregnancy (for obvious reasons) wasn't easy. But through it all, one thing about them sticks out. They are truly joyful! They never, regardless of the challenges laid before them, ever said anything negative. They have hope and faith in God. They are comforted by His Love. Their attitude it truly, truly one of pure joy. And it's amazing!

Roger and I have a lot of conversations about our hopes and dreams for Kaelyn. It's fun for us to talk about all the wonderful things she can do and dream about what any of those things may be. But the one thing that we know, without a doubt, that we want for her, is happiness. Reading the Sullivan's blog, I learned that happiness and joy is a choice. We have God's love and that is more than enough to make us happy. Any other challenge or heartache is just another opportunity to rejoice in the good that God has provided. If I can teach Kaelyn that, then I have done my job as her mother.

I know it can't be easy to go through what the Sullivan's have. I may never meet them here on this earth. I cannot begin to pay tribute to Sara or do her any justice in my attempt. But I know that they have reached me and if I could, I would tell them "Thank you."