Discrimintation and Disillusionment

Somewhere between the building I work in and the parking garage I park in (about 2 blocks), I meet a (presumably) homeless man every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. He sits on a planting box in front of a really cute apartment building. His shopping cart is always beside him. Every time I see him, his demeaner is the same. He greets everyone the same way..."Hello, beautiful"..."How are you lovely ladies doing?" etc. He compliments the looks of every woman that crosses his path. And the men? He asks them how they are and if they have spare change.

It occured to me yesterday as he greeted me that he has never asked me for money and I noticed that he didn't ask a single woman for a handout (at least not in the group that I was walking near at the time). For some reason, I was insulted. Is it discrimination? Pride? Why can he ask every man that crosses his path for money but not the women?

And why does this bother me? I'll never give him money even if asks me for it...only one of the reasons being that I rarely have cash on me. I have, in the past, offered to buy the coffee or the hamburger that I'm asked to provide my spare change for, but funny enough, no one has ever taken me up on the offer. It's disillutionment at best...I want to believe that people won't beg for money unless they really need it, that the "homeless" aren't going home at the end of the day and parking their shopping carts in their garages. I know that homelessness is a problem in many cities, including Sacramento...but, I've yet to meet to someone who actually seems grateful for what I do offer, which is the very thing they are usually asking me for...coffee and food. And now, to top it all off, I've met someone who is discriminatory about who he asks for a handout.

I know I'm being selfish and rediculous. I know that it's very likely that this guy is homeless, but just can't bring himself to ask women and children for money...maybe he doesn't even ask all the guys. And where he is on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Who knows...maybe a different corner. Here I sit, my husband sleeping on the couch beside me and my daughter sound asleep in her crib and I'm complaining because someone who does need to beg on the street isn't begging me for something I'm unwilling to give? This really is laughable. My biggest concern right now is that I'm staying up past my bedtime and might be tired as I get up to go to my very comfortable, financially stable and secure job. Yep, I have big problems and every right to complain....

On to the homefront. Kaelyn rolled over for the first time today! She's been "practicing" for weeks now...well over a month. She rolls from side to side and twists her little body in the hopes of flipping from her back to her stomach. The last few days she's managed to roll over on top of her arm (it being in the way has been her biggest obstacle)...she rolls on top of it, kicks and rolls right back over on her back. But tonight...I look away for one second and turn around and find her on her stomach and then, to my delight, got to witness her make the move by herself over and over again with little effort...the solution for her? Simply lift her head and get her body over her trapped arm. She was obviously as proud of herself for figuring this out and Roger and I were. Of course, flipping over means she's on her tummy...a position she doesn't enjoy being in for any length of time and now, she's trying to master rolling back over the other way...something I think she will probably master in the next few days (since it's a much easier move and it's a goal born clearly of her frustration). I love watching her grow and learn new things...seing the delight of the simplest things as she experiences them for the first time. What pure joy!