What Project Management Has Taught Me About Parenthood

Last night, during dinner, I watched in wonder as Kaelyn very precisely picked little pieces of chicken off the tray of her high chair and fed herself. She is growing so incredibly fast. As we approach her first birthday, I often wonder how I’m going to do as a mother. I don’t feel like I have the skills needed to really raise her and teach her and protect her. How am I going to make sure that she has the skills necessary to be a well-adjusted, happy, and productive adult? I posed this question to Roger, who in is infinite wisdom said, “I haven’t yet seen a project you can’t manage.” Honestly, I don’t think he was listening, because he seemed to still be stuck on my reiterations of work and not realized that I had switched to talking about Kaelyn.


But, he has a point. My child is not a “project” I need to manage, but I can probably use what I learned as a Project Manager and apply them to Kaelyn. For example:

1. Schedule is everything. First, you have to have a good schedule and realistic expectations. You also need to have enough flexibility in your schedule, that small deviations don’t cause a major disaster. This is true both for projects and children.

2. When someone cries…everyone (over)reacts. Whether it’s a baby, customer, team member, or boss, crying gets everyone’s attention. The problem is that the reaction usually doesn’t address the root problem. And if the goal is just to make the crying stop, then the message to the crier is “If I cry, I’ll get exactly what I want. This works.” Bad results.

3. Change is inevitable. Even with the best planning, change is going to come. The key, is to create an environment where the change doesn’t cause massive panic. Parents and project managers alike have to remain calm, take time to evaluate the change, and respond accordingly.

4. Expect the unexpected. I’ve seen some crazy things in my career, but I have a feeling it’s nowhere near the curve balls my daughter is going to throw at me. Bracing myself now.

5. You will be tested. Team members, subordinates, customers, and children will test you, no doubt. How firm is this deadline? What are the real consequences for not doing my homework? If I cry, will I get what I want? Be prepared and stand firm.  I often remind myself at work that I am not making friends...it's impossible to be authoritative with your best friend. Same with Kaelyn. I love her, but I'm her mom, not her girlfriend.  That is a very clear and necessary distinction!
6. Present a united front. In running a project, it’s sometimes challenging to balance the different goals and priorities of the groups you’re working with. When something is really important, then the PM has to get buy in from everyone and create one united front. Same with parenting. It does no good for me to enforce a rule if Roger is just going to undermine it. Even if we don’t agree, we need to be on the same page when it comes to Kaelyn.

7. Respect is earned. Yes, even with the parent/child relationship. I learned a long time ago not to ask for anything I wouldn’t do myself, hold others accountable, and praise them often for their good work. I also learned to not make promises I couldn’t keep. There’s nothing worse than going back on your word. Trust is everything.

8. Let them be part of the solution. Situation: Something isn’t getting done according to schedule. I talk to a team member about it. I can dictate that he “get it done, or else” or I can say “what would it take for this to happen? “ or “Here are some options, which one works best for you?” It’s easier to get what I want, if I let the problem help with the solution. It’s perfectly ok for a team member or a child to give me their input and thoughts. The final decision is always mine…but, if they figure out how to solve the problem themselves, they are more likely to follow through.

9. You will be bombarded with a lot of useless (and some useful) information. Almost every day I’m sent information on best practices, management techniques, and new ideas to have a better project. The info can be overwhelming and it’s tempting to scrap my old methods for the new trendy ones. I’ve noticed this with parenting too. Newsletters, mailings, books, tv shows, all giving me the new trendy, and often conflicting, ways to raise my child and ensure that she’s the smartest one in class. Some of the info is good. But I have to trust myself enough to wade through all the crap to get to the good stuff. Not as easy as it seems.

10. You have to love it! My job is highly stressful, demanding, and often exhausting. But I love it. I couldn’t imagine putting myself through this much everyday for something I hated doing. Parenthood, so far, has been even more stressful, tiring, and difficult than anything I’ve ever dealt with at work…but the rewards are so great and my love for Kaelyn is so intoxicating that it’s easy to ignore the hard stuff for all the good I have.

I wish that Kaelyn had come with a users’ manual…and even though there are plenty of books out there that claim to have the perfect parenting techniques, the truth is, Kaelyn is an individual. I’ve read a lot about how to be a good mom to her and I’ve implemented quite a bit of what I’ve read. The fact remains, though, she, Roger and I are going to have to “learn as we go”. I’m sure even if Kaelyn was our 10th child, she would be uniquely different from all the previous 9. Maybe that’s my number 11: No matter how alike they seem, no two projects (or children) are exactly the same….