First 48 Hours Down

Well, the 2nd day of me being away from my loves is done...almost (technically, it will be 48 hours at 8am tomorrow morning). Three and half days and I'll be back home! I feel tortured being away from my baby...both of the them.

I feel like I should take a moment, now, to pay tribute to the men and women who leave their babies, husbands, wives, etc. behind and spend years sometimes fighting for our freedom. I have deployed and yes, I wanted to come home. I missed my friends and family. I longed for my home and my life sans deployment. But, when it comes down to it, I did not feel anywhere close to the anxiety I feel being gone for a just a few days now. The love I feel for my child is exponentially more than I have ever felt for any other living being. Ever. And Roger is right up there with her in my heart. Just a few days of separation, missing even a moment of Kaelyn's life, is torture. All I can think about is going home. So, I can't fathom the sacrifice that the men and women in the military, who miss thier kids and spouses, who sometimes miss the birth of their children, who sacrifice everything must go through. And while I can spend a few moments each day daydreaming about going home, those men and women can't afford to...it's life and death for them. I'm sure if they could trade me these few days, they would take it in a heartbeat. And realizing the magnitude of thier sacrifice, it's even more disheartening to see and read about the protests, the ungratefulness, and even the spoiled way we act towards them and our government. Instead of cheerleading them, helping them, or helping their families, we say we don't agree with their work. We try to make ourselves feel better by saying we "support the troops" but we don't "support the war"...well, you can't not support the "war" and support the troops at the same time. How do you think it feels to give up everything that matters to you and go fight for your country, when your country doesn't want to stand behind the effort? Is it easy to hear that you have given it up for nothing? No one thinks it's worthwile? How is that support?

Ok, off my soap box...just a big heartfelt thank you to those who serve.

I just got off the phone with Roger and teased him about how he must be living at home without me. He swears he's taking care of Kaelyn the way we always do (I believe this) and that the house is in exactly the shape as I would have it (I do not believe this). I thought it would be fun to imagine how he actually is living.

1. I don't think that Roger will make the bed until Friday morning, just before he leaves to pick me up from the airport.

2. He will wash all his dishes, but he won't put them away until the sink is full of them. He won't put them in the dishwasher at all...I don't understand why.

3. He will take off his socks and shoes in our living room and leave them under the table, again, until just before I get home, when he will pick them up and throw them in our closet.

4. He will sleep on the couch at least three nights if not more.

5. He will leave at least two coffee cups lying around the house....make that three. He will leave one in the family room, one outside, and one in the garage. He will have a fourth that he is actively using. On Friday morning, he will think to collect them all...he will find three out of four and be nervous about me finding the fourth one before he does.

6. He will watch the shows he likes instead of giving up some of them to watch what he knows I'll enjoy. He'll be able to flip back and forth between two shows, watching both at once, which he never does when I'm around because he knows it drives me crazy.

7. He will make me at least two home videos so I can see Kaelyn while I'm here...he already made the first one...a cute little video about our trip to the zoo on Saturday. (I posted it on Facebook for my friends).

Roger makes a lot of sacrifices for me. I don't think it can be that easy to live with someone as anal as I am about the house. I'm blessed to have him and knowing what he does for me, just because I like it done, makes me miss him even more.

Other than missing my family, I am actually making the most of this trip. I've met some great people, plan to learn a lot in my class, and have eaten some great food with my new friends. I'll be glad that I took this class and had this experience, but still...I will be happy to be back home!

Well, this blog has gone all over the place. It's as random as I feel I am at the moment. It's so hard to stay focused on one thought, when all my thoughts go back to Roger and Kaelyn...